Thursday
Once upon a time there was a girl named Tasha. She lived with her mother and her sister in the village of Hela. Every day at 7:00 when her mother went out to her shop two miles away and her sister left to spend time at her friend Astley’s house, she would go quite unnoticed to her favorite spot in the woods. A stream ran past a huge pile of boulders that made a sort of haven that protected her from the rest of the world.
She went down and when she got there she found that there was already someone in her usual spot in her little cave! The most beautiful boy she had ever seen was sleeping next to her store of food that was considerably lighter than what she had yesterday. Since this was the first she had seen a male up close (even her cat Honey was a girl) in 5 years, she was pretty scared! She calmly (okay a little panicky) picked berries like usual and left them for the boy. She then walked home, part hoping, part worrying that the boy would be there tomorrow.
She needn’t have worried. The boy was nowhere to be seen, and he hadn’t even taken the extra berries she left out. “Maybe I imagined him,” she thought sadly. Suddenly, there was a rustling in the bushes. Someone was coming! Tasha hid in the familiar cracks in her little hut of boulders and found herself face to face with--The boy! Now that his eyes were open, she saw that the boy was less of a boy and more of a young man, about fourteen or fifteen. His eyes were a startling green and wide with terror. She opened her mouth to ask a question, but he clamped a gentle but shaking hand on her mouth. The rustling got louder and Tasha heard the footfalls and shouting of a group of men as they ran past the cave. It gradually got quieter until all they heard was the stream and the sound of their panicked, trembling breaths. They sat like that for what seemed like hours waiting for the rumbling of footsteps that didn’t come back. When the boy finally loosened his grip on her face, Tasha turned and dragged the boy outside. “Well,” she said. “I hope you have a good explanation for that. I haven’t seen a boy in a while, but I know it’s not very good manners to all but gag a person in a cave she discovered! ” “I’m sorry,” he replied sheepishly. He had a pleasant, calming voice with a British accent. After hearing those words, Tasha immediately relaxed. She was afraid he would run away again. “It’s kind of a long story,” he explained. Tasha settled down on a rock by the stream. “I’ve got time,” she said. She glanced at him. “If you don’t finish today, you can tell me tomorrow.” He tensed a little at that, but sat across from her on the grass. He picked up a dandelion and twirled it between his fingers. He watched the seeds scatter in the wind and began his story.
George is a stow a way on a ship from London
ReplyDeleteSamuel is an escapee from a juvenile detention center
Butch is gypsy who ran away with the circus and was forced to do trapeze but is afraid of heights so he ran away from the circus and is looking for a new adventure
Hooray for Fall!
ReplyDeleteI'm hooked on your post. It's a really good concept for a full bodied story!
The strongest part, in my opinion, comes after the introduction (build up), first and second flash points leading up to Tasha taking control of a frightening and potentially dangerous situation and turning it to her advantage when ---
Tasha tells the boy "I hope you have a good explanation...."
He replies, "It's kind of a long story."
She opens the space to settle in by saying, "I've got time."
Those three words are powerful. They open the story up for the next part of a greater telling and jump into chapter 2 of a short story.
Well done!
Thank you!
DeleteHowever, I can't decide what I want the boy's backstory to be! Any ideas?
It's kind of an old-timey story, so some of the ideas in the first comment might not really work....
Back storying the boy.
ReplyDeleteSometimes, in the initial phases of writing, the 'word vomit', the best thing to do is to write.
Then write more and more. Eventually, you will mentally realize the characters, their appearance, goals, backgrounds, and very important, their natures.
I would like you to do something --
Take your large paragraph and break it into individual sentence paragraphs. Look at those sentences and see which belong together in paragraphs then group them.
Sometimes we write large paragraphs to get something big down on paper as quickly as possible. Breaking that big paragraph down offers the chance to see each individual 'point of light' in the paragraph. Then you will see the opportunities to strengthen the steps in the scene and also see where you can build more steps.
Well done!
You should name him Tom 😜😏
ReplyDeleteHaha Of course I should 😉
DeleteIt's a MUST.
Any ideas for a backstory?
I kind of have HORRIBLE writer's block right now. Like, UNBEARABLE.
DeleteA runaway? Kidnapped? Orphaned? Lost? A criminal?
ReplyDeleteI don't know. . .people use those all the time. . .It's a little generic, you know? Maybe it's because they work well?
Delete